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Month: November 2016

The Strength of Your Fight Does not Depend on Your Solitude

The Strength of Your Fight Does not Depend on Your Solitude

Late this last summer and early this semester I was being switched between antidepressants and other medications and I had to deal with a lot of nasty side effects. Those side effects forced me to miss a lot of class and I could barely eat anything for a solid couple of months. This resulted in me losing almost 20 pounds (that I didn’t have to lose) and ended with seizure like fainting episodes, concussion close calls, and incredible muscle weakness….

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The Secret of my Obsession aka Coping

The Secret of my Obsession aka Coping

I couldn’t figure out what to write about for a long time today. Everything felt out of place and I couldn’t find what was bothering me. I nearly gave up, not having the energy needed to interrogate myself. But this blog is the one thing I don’t want to quit. The one thing that means the most to me in my life right now. So I started writing. And now I have a couple drafts of future posts and still…

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Pride and Prioritization don’t have to Clash

Pride and Prioritization don’t have to Clash

I’m having one of those days where I wake up with a head ache and a stinging in my eyes. A fatigue that is bone deep and a mentality that is anything but healthy. Those days are always hard to deal with, but I always give it my best. Right now I want nothing but to go back to bed. To stare at the ceiling, maybe watch some Netflix, and wait for a numbness that can lead to sleep. Instead,…

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The Reality of Doctor Appointments

The Reality of Doctor Appointments

I’ll be the first to say that having doctors appointments all the time isn’t easy. I’m lucky to only have 3-5 a week. I have to travel an hour to get to some of them, but at least I’m not stuck in the hospital on an iv (most of the time). I have only respect for people who are, and who manage to remain optimistic and hopefully happy. But the cancelling of plans and the skipping of class, because I…

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The Archaeology of Recovery

The Archaeology of Recovery

I’ve gone through a lot of changes over the past couple years. Philosophies destroyed and rebuilt. Friendships broken and relationships formed. I’ve had to rethink and rebuild pretty much everything about myself. Some things were worth saving, for instance my sense of humour or my personality quirks. Others were mercilessly annihilated, like my inability to say no or my acceptance of abuse. I’ve started to notice a lot of secondary effects of my adaptations. Things I used to love are…

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Gambling with a Bedside Pharmacy

Gambling with a Bedside Pharmacy

I got another drug yesterday. This one is supposed to help increase my blood pressure. Yay. My nightstand is a small pharmacy and I have mixed feelings about that. My life has changed drastically ever since I got put on my antidepressants. Both because of side effects and mood stabilization. I feel more clear-headed than I ever have in my life. On the other hand I’m also being bombarded with sickness and tremors and nausea and migraines. I don’t know…

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Dealing with the Guilt of Limitations

Dealing with the Guilt of Limitations

Today, I fought my way to class to take an important exam. With me I brought my signature bottle of powerade zero, my bright orange puke bucket, two ice packs, nausea pills, cough pearls, and a wet washcloth over my neck. I felt dramatic. And pulling attention to myself (as I’m sure my ice-packs and bucket did) always make me feel dramatic and guilty. I often start to feel guilty. Guilty that my head hurts so often. Guilty that I’m so tired…

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